Season1 Finale Chapter 35

RR through our eyes (Chapter 35)

 

Thanks Mano for the edits.

 

No riches or brains can turn the clock back.

OR bring back the past.

OR take back the words spoken.

One has to live with the consequences.

 

***

They stood there facing each other.  Not able to move or say anything. They wanted to move away but their hearts wanted to stay close.

 

They both were hoping that the last few minutes could be turned back. And they could be back to their loving life.

 

But it was not to be.

His brain is trying to control his heart. Making him doubt his Paro.

 And her brain is not able to bring back her memories. Making her doubt his love for her present form.

 

There was nothing more he could say or do to make her feel better. Even when in doubt - he could not see her in pain. Why does he want to put her at ease and absorb all the pain himself ? He was unable to understand. But Hell !! He himself was in no position to say anything. He just wanted to scream his lungs out.  And he thought it best to go away from the place.

 

“I am going to office. Will be late. “ Force of habit. To inform Paro  whenever he leaves. Paro or Myrah ? What confusion.

 

She did not reply. Just looked at him walking away - through the veil of tears formed in her eyes. It was as if all the strength of her legs were gone the moment he stepped out. And she collapsed on the floor.  All along he was thinking she is his Parvati ? And here she was in love with him – Rudra. She was under the impression that he too loved her. Her as in Myrah. She had specifically asked him before the marriage. Hadn’t she ? When he proposed to her in a drunken state. She had also asked him the next day when he was sober.  Whether he is looking for his wife in her. What if he seeks his wife in her ? And he had promised her that he loves her and only her. And will never ask her to change. Will take her for what she is.

 

What does that mean ? He hid the truth from her ? From what she knows of Rudra – he is one of the most straight forward guys. And he was reluctant to get married to her initially when she had proposed. He had said that love happens only once and that happened for him with his wife. She never tried to find out what happened to change his mind.

 

Maybe he did not lie to her. He could not help himself as he started to lie to himself. He had started seeing her as his wife and did not want to let go of her. But is lying to oneself as cruel as lying to one’s partner ?

 

Come to think of it Rudra has been playing ping pong with his feelings towards her. Usually people get cold feet just before commitment. But Rudra spent the night before wedding with her. They shared such wonderful moments. Then they had the best wedding of the year.  Followed by a dreamy night. Wait ------- he had been aloof on the wedding day - after dinner too. He came to the room only because she went to bring him. He had not resisted. Not exactly. Nor was he a willing partner - till when ? What was it that she said which changed him into a lover ?  She could not pin point the exact moment. Damn...........

 

And now what had happened just now? He was fine in the morning , back in the haveli, during lunch and even during dessert. Then he got the call. He came to explain to her. He was okay then too. They were all chatting again. Then he got another call and he went towards the door. Must have been the second call.  Which caused him to flip again.

 

Oh what a mess. What is the way out of this dilemma ? She loved him with all her heart. Is it too much to expect that he loved her back as well ? Even if it is much lesser than the love she has for him – it is fine. But there should be love from him. For the person she is. And not for her face.

Easiest way out is to go away from him. But what about the promise she made ? Is her resolve so feeble that at the first instance she bolts ? No she will stay put. She will have talks with him. Try to see whether they can make this work. For her sake, for his sake and for their son’s sake. Tears flowed on their own. But her heart wept more. She cannot even imagine living without Dhruv and Rudra. But she knew it is going to be hell living with Rudra - now that she knows he never loved her and perhaps never will.

 

She was never one to give up or give in so easily. Flashes of her standing in rain to prove a point to Rudra and Rudra coming running to her - shocked her. Where did that come from ? Is her brain playing with her ? She cannot remember ever standing in rain and Rudra coming running to her. But the scene which flashed in front of her eyes just now looked almost real. She pressed her fingers to her fore head in a vain attempt to stop the throbbing headache.

 

***************

Rudra was in no better situation. His mind went back to the day he went to her room to record a sorry. His seeing the recordings where Paro (no not Paro. Myrah) talked about her nightmares. What are the other things which she said or did which convinced him ?

 

The nightmares must be from the story she heard. Phulwari would have definitely known about the way Paro left Dhruv in the cupboard to save his life. The flashes of her throwing a doll at the boy – well that story was known to the entire world when Paro explained it in the felicitation ceremony. Calling him MajorSa would have been just a coincidence. Myrah knew he was in BSD and maybe she just called him by that title. Proposing to him with Sindoor in hand – again that was present all over the papers. Myrah has been living in the haveli for so many days now. Sure she would have known about his hate marriage with Paro and the eighth vachan. Myrah would have used it to her advantage.

 

He has been taken for a royal ride. By not only Myrah but also fate and Bholenath. And here he was thinking Paro was returned to him after his penance and grief of seven years. How could he a BSD officer believe this without even any kind of proof ? How could he – Paro MajorSa- fall for another woman ? He hated his brain. His mind. His body. Himself. They were accessories to this murder. Murder of his love and Paro’s.

He had not realised that he had reached the hospital. His colleagues and the minister were waiting in the corridor. He had to push aside his problems for the time being – for the sake of the lives of two innocent girls. Megha was still unconscious. But the doctors were hopeful that she will wake up in another couple of hours.

 

There was no news about the other girl. Police had tried their best earlier but with little success. Then things moved fast an hour after Megha was found. It seems Tejawat had assembled all the villagers in the morning (as soon as they heard about Megha’s return)  and stressed to them how BSD or the local police will never help their daughters. How all those in power will support only those in power – thus accusing the police of supporting only the minister’s daughter. And that he, Tejawat, will do anything – part with any amount of money, go to any length  -  to get back the village’s beti.

 

And later around noon it seems they got a call from the kidnappers asking for 50 lakhs as ransom for Radha which as they speak Tejawat is arranging for. The whole setup looked suspicious to the police and Rudra  but there was nothing they had to prove Tejawat’s involvement. Villagers had assembled with him supporting him this time. To everybody’s surprise there was media as well in the village highlighting how the villagers are treated by the police and BSD in a step motherly fashion.  And by evening 6pm the exchange was made with the kidnapper and Radha was brought back home in the midst of celebrations. She was not in a position to talk much but did thank Thakursa for his help in front of the media.

 

The situation in the hospital was still gloomy. In the meantime Murty landed up in the hospital. Hhaving known the South Indian minister and having heard of his daughter’s kidnapping – he was in touch with the minister after Rudra’s reception yesterday night. Murty’s NGO had some data from interactions with a few of the villagers and he was willing to share them with Rudra’s team to identify and catch the kidnappers.

Dreading going back home and having to interact with Paro (or is it Myrah) in the room - he decided to prolong the return to the haveli. Since there was nothing much happening in the hospital Rudra decided to visit the NGO’s local office along with Murty.

During the ride he came to know about his connection with Myrah. Murty is a friend of Myrah’s Chacha. Murty was part of the same political party for years before he decided to give up his political career. Instead he focused on setting up a network of NGOs. And the one to which Phulwari belongs is part of that network. Murty is a frequent traveller not only within India but also abroad. During one of his trips to USA he had met the Mehras and also Myrah. Over the years Myrah started working with him. To work together towards helping victims of abuse. Both abroad and in India. Thus she joined their US office.

 

Rudra could also learn that Myrah and Phulwari were introduced by him. But they both had never met before. Their interactions were limited to phone calls. Phulwari and Myrah had worked together to help  a girl from Tripura who was married and sent to USA and was ill treated by her in-laws. They could with the help of Indian Embassy get the poor girl back to India to her family.

The information shared by Murty was not much but at least explained why Phulwari was silent for some time after seeing Myrah during the reception. She did not know that Myrah looked like Paro. If Phulwari was in Tripura for some time now what are the odds that she had shared any info about Paro with her ?

Rudra could not continue asking more questions about Myrah as they reached the office. It was almost 8pm and there was just one security person outside. Murty was on the phone with one of the employees and with his help able to get hold of a bunch of files related to Birpur and surrounding villages. There was a register where Murty had to sign to take the registers out with the purpose also filled in.

“You are quite thorough.” Rudra could not help commenting

“Yes. We are. There is quite some sensitive info in some of the files. We need to follow the procedure to make sure it does not fall in wrong hands.” Murty clarified. He came across as a genuine person interested in helping people.

“You can sit here and read. And I will wait. Visitors have to be accompanied by employees. That is the rule. I have no other commitments. So am okay to wait as long as you want. The files cannot be taken outside the building by anybody. So you need to read them here only. But you are newly married. Won’t Myrah be waiting for you ? Maybe you should get going. We can do this tomorrow” Murty further added.

“That is fine. I will spend an hour or so and then return. She will understand. I am sure.” Rudra replied and without wasting any time started browsing through the files. Murty started browsing through some files too.

 

Half an hour later Rudra still had no further inputs. Only half his mind was on the files. The other half was on his own ill fate. And on the way forward. And that was when his eyes fell on a file named Parvati. With trembling hands he opened it. And found that the file was made the day after Paro proposed to him in the hall. Yes how can he forget the day ? The file had a write up signed by Damayanti before visiting Ranawat family. A couple of pages about their visit and findings. And after that was the tagged photo of Paro’s proposal, the newspaper clip of Paro drenched in rain, article on him and his crusade against terrorism and a last report (handwritten) on Shantanu, what he did on that fateful day, how it happened, how Paro saved her child , Shantanu’s arrest and conviction. Rudra sat rooted to his seat and was brought out of his shock by Murty exclaiming “Look at this Rudra. “

 

The file Murty held in hand was on one of the kidnapping victims – a teenager boy who was interviewed when he was released by kidnappers. Where he had mentioned that he heard one kidnapper tell the other one to not touch the money as it has to be returned to the place it came from. “What does this mean ?” Murty was curious.

 

“ Tejawat was the one paying all the ransom. This shows he is the one arranging for the kidnappings as well. It was our suspicion too. But why is the question. And why Megha ? When there was no ransom involved in her case. “

 

Rudra could not concentrate anymore on Tejawat or the kidnappings. He wound up things for the night and stepped out of the office with Murty. He had one question before they left.

 

“All these files you have in hard copy. Not in the computer database ? How do you share them across your other offices ? “

 

“ We do not have computers and a common database yet. We do not have that much funding. So we make do with faxes and hard copies. But all files are replicated at all our offices. As backup.”

 

There was nothing more to ask. Promising to meet the next day in the hospital they locked the room and were about to step out when Phulwari got down along with another friend from an auto.

 

“Hi Preeti, what are you doing here at this time ?” Murty was surprised to see her.

 

“Have a call with Rahman in Dhaka in another 15 mins. Regarding Zubeida. Since it is going to be a long call I thought it better to take it from the office along with Madhu.”she said indicating to her friend by the side.  

 

“Can I have a word with you ?” Rudra did not want to let go of the opportunity which presented itself.

 

“Yes Rudra. Madhu , can you update Murtygaaru about the details of Zubeida ? In the meantime I will talk to Rudra. “

 

“What are you doing here Rudra ? Aren’t you supposed to be with your lovely wife ? “ Phulwari was curious. And Rudra explained the situation of the kidnapping case.

 

“Ah Tejawat. Possible that he is involved. He has wreaked havoc in many villagers’ lives. But I do not know of any recent developments. Was posted in the Tripura office for the last few years. “

 

Further questioning by Rudra proved that Phulwari was aware of Shantanu’s arrest but not beyond that. She used to reminisce about Paro’s story when they visited the haveli for many days. She has known Myrah for a few years now. Though they never met in person, they grew close and she had discussed about Tejawat and the fake weddings he sponsored and also about Rudra and Paro.

 

Phulwari kind of looked disappointed that Rudra married again though she never said anything. She was all praise of Myrah, her selfless attitude and straightforward behaviour. But did wonder about why Myrah did not tell her that Rudra is the groom. It was time for Phulwari to join the call. And Rudra said bye to Murty and her and left soon.

 

Rudra stopped his jeep on the way back. He had seen the file. And he knew it was available in Myrah’s office too. So in all probability she would have seen it. In any case as per Phulwari, information was exchanged between her and Myrah regarding him and Paro.  He was now convinced that Myrah knew all about Paro and succeeded in hiding it from him. Whatever was missing in the file she would have extracted from the “more than willing inmates” of the haveli.

 

When Paro left him he had felt that he will disintegrate into pieces. Never before had he felt that kind  of sharp piercing pain – every living minute. He had believed at that time that nothing can hurt him more than the absence of Paro. But now he knew better. Now he felt the pain will crush him and powder him into dust. Not only had he married Myrah but also spent two nights in a row with her. Hugging her, kissing her, making love to her, sharing his soul as well as body with her. How could he not have known ? Why ? Bholenath why ? How much more should he endure in this life ? Wasn’t it enough that you took away the only love of my life ? Did you have to mock my love too by making me think Myrah is Paro ?

 

Old habits die hard. Rudra has two habits. To not completely trust others. And to be very impulsive. So he has no trust in Paro – er.. Myrah. And decided that she is guilty. He just wished his heart stopped beating....

 

Not only did his heart not stop beating but it also refused to be fully in sync with his brain. Though he did not realise it there was one small corner of his stupid heart which was not ready to fall in line.

 

When he first met Paro he had concluded that she was guilty – by association. Now he concluded that Myrah is guilty – by association.

 

Rudra chose to ignore his heart. And so did Paro. They stand now - against each other, opposing each other,doubting each other.

 

As far as she is concerned she is Myrah and Rudra does not love Myrah.
As far as   he is concerned she is Myrah and Rudra does not love Myrah.

But the fact is she is his Paro and Rudra loves only her.
Heights of irony – isn’t it ?

***

After spending another half an hour on the road side he decided to go back home. He had no plans on how to proceed. ? He has to stop this facade of marriage. But before that he had to find out why Myrah hid the truth from him. What was the motive behind her coming after him ? Not maybe immediately but soon. And he has to -  in the process - make sure it does not hurt Dhruv. Dhruv is of prime concern now.

And in the same time , after much pondering and weeping and feeling angry, Paro had reached the same conclusion. To not upset the cart right away. She does not want to make things worse. She too decided to not rock the boat. Maybe they both need time and space to think this through. And she has to – in the process – make sure it does not hurt Dhruv. Dhruv is of prime concern now.

Dinner was an uneventful affair. Rudra was in a brooding mood and everybody assumed it was because of the kidnapping case. Most of the talking was done by Kakusa and Rajeev. If anybody else noticed that the newly weds were quiet – they did not bring it up.

Rudra postponed going to sleep as much as possible. He tried to make small conversation with the other family members. A few of them at least. The children went to bed pulling their mothers along. Which meant Paro also went away with Dhruv.

He still remained in the sofa in a drowsy state. Finally his feet took him to his room. Dhruv sleeping with Paro helped the situation a little. Rudra could convince himself that he slept in the same bed next to Dhruv – just to be near Dhruv. He wanted to be with his son. Nothing more. Dhruv is all he has got. If Dhruv was sleeping elsewhere he would not have spent the night here in the room. Whatever excuse Rudra gave himself - finally the family was sleeping together in the same room, in the same bed. With Dhruv in the middle.

And somewhere in that restless night Dhruv rolled over Paro to the other side. And brought together his parents. In his drowsy state Rudra wound his hand over Paro and pulled her closer. And she was more than willing in her half asleep state to move towards him. And she held his hand in place keeping her own over it.
 

And then slowly he pulled her closer and hugged her tight. And she fit into his arms perfectly.

 

 

Which brought the elusive sleep to our dear Parud.

 

 It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye.

 

And only when the brain goes to sleep can one see with the heart.

 

Hi all,


Bad news for those of you who like the FF
- this week's FF - Chapter 35 - 
will be the last chapter of the FF for some time to come...

 

This is Season1 Finale 

Good news for those of you who are forced to read and say nice things about my FF
- due to your friendship with me -
I will not pester you for some months at least.

Due to pain in hand.
Due to over usage of laptop and I have been advised to take rest.

This is not life threatening...it is life style threatening...

 

Thanks to all of you who encouraged my amateur writing.

 

 

 If you reached till here I am assuming you read the chapter fully. Please leave your comments, thoughts and feedback. If you are facing issues in posting comments please send a mail to jjkkliftkaradey@gmail.com We would like to hear from you.

 

Chapter 34

RR through our eyes (Chapter 34)

 

Thanks Mano for the edits.

 

Author’s note:  I have the following lines to tell you all (taken from the song of OneRepublic)

 

My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears

This time don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
But I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

*****

 

A perfect Suhaag Raat for the perfect couple after their perfect wedding. Will their married life be perfect ? That is for us to wait and see.

 

The question might come back to haunt him tomorrow. Whether she is really Paro ? Or is she Myrah who came to know about Paro and Rudra story from Phulwari and started dreaming about them ? He will make a list of all the things that made him believe she is Paro. And the only thing against it being the association with the NGO woman Phulwari. He will do lot more analysis in his brain. He will probably question quite a number of people. He will gather a lot of information to prove she is indeed Paro.

 

Is Rudra in for a roller coaster ride ?

OR will he forget all the questions and doubts in wake of the wonderful night they shared ?

 

***

 

The “morning after” was as sweet as it could be - with Rudra waking up slowly – realising he is sprawled across - all over his dear Paro. Two nights in a row he has woken up seeing her face. He kept looking at her. And he thought this is pure bliss.

 

She woke up feeling something against her cheeks. Partially opened her eyes to see Rudra’s face. And him grazing his cheek against hers. The one day old stubble tickled her. And pricked her too. She smiled thinking of how he always does that to see her pout. So that he can then kiss the pout away. In anticipation of the kiss she pouted and he kissed her. And she thought this is unbridled happiness.

 

Somebody knocked on the door. Come to think of it maybe the knock was what woke up Rudra. Else he and his beloved were lost in their own world. Rudra got up and after waking Paro. It was Maithili Bhabhisa and Samrat.

 

“Devarjisa , das baj gaye. Hum Haveli Jaane ki tayaari Karen ?” She asked with a mischievous smile on her face.

 

“Haan we will get ready soon. Where are the others ?”

 

“Sab Ghar chale gaye. Only the four of us are left. And we are here to make sure you come back soon. At least before lunch.” She said. Her face still not ready to let go of the smile.

 

“Haan. In half an hour we will be downstairs Bhabhisa.”

 

And as promised they were back in the haveli where some semblance of order had returned. Only the family was left now. The children were waiting for them to reach home to take Paro away to join in their games. Rudra watched Paro playing hide and seek with them.

And he thought this is pure bliss.

 

 

She was aware of his eyes on her. Wandering all over her body. Piercing through her soul. The need, the want in them. She watched his relaxed stance. It was a long time since she saw him like that. Before the marriage he was always under stress – worried about some imaginary doom which will fall on them. Worried about Tejawat striking. Oh she had heard the story of Tejawat and his connection to Parvati and Maasa. Though not aware of all the details she knew the gist of it. And could not understand why Tejawat will still be behind them. After all she is just a look alike of Paro. Paro was long gone. The witness was no more around. But Rudra was worried. Though he momentarily forgot all about that during the marriage ceremony , the alertness and stress was back soon. And peaked after dinner. She will never know probably why Rudra wanted to be away from her yesterday night. But all is well that ends well. She is happy. She is Mrs Rudra Pratap Ranawat as he called her. He is happy and calm and relieved. And she thought this is unbridled happiness.

 

Lunch was again a grand affair. The whole family including the Mehras sitting and talking and passing on dishes to each other. Paro next to him and Dhruv on her other side. Paro stealing glances at him from time to time. Their fingers touching every time they passed things to each other. And then her shy smile. He found it difficult to look away from her.

And he thought this is pure bliss.

 

If he keeps looking like this at her she will melt very soon. She was sure he was wantedly running his long fingers over hers every time they exchanged vessels. And she was also sure he deliberately asked her to get him the curds or the dal or the roti. She was a modern girl. Used to much more open romance in the west. Why then does she feel he conveys much more love even with those feather touches ? Why does she feel that the air is thick with passion ready to explode ? And most of all why is she feeling shy ? In spite of feeling shy why does she want him to continue looking at her ? She was enjoying this attention from Rudra. Which wife will not want her husband to look at her as if she is the only thing that matters in this whole world ? Which girl will not want her lover to tell her through his eyes that he wants to devour her ? She was lucky to have found him, her Bhaagya. And she thought this is unbridled happiness.

 

After lunch the whole family had assembled for dessert in the hall when Rudra got a call from his colleague. One of the girls who had got kidnapped had been found early morning. She had escaped from the place where they were tied up and imprisoned. It was Megha, the minister’s daughter. She was in a very bad state and was being treated in the hospital.  She was not in a condition to speak. And there was no news about the other girl Radha (who is a local). The doctors had advised everybody to wait till the next evening before trying to talk to Megha. Rudra promised to be in the hospital in the evening and hung up. He shared the news with Paro and also about how relieved he was that they could get back at least one of the victims alive. They had almost lost hope.

 

Rudra tried to tune in into the conversations. They were talking about Mehras’s trip back which was scheduled for the next Sunday. About when Rudra can visit them in US along with his family. And then suddenly Sunehri wanted to know where Rudra is planning his honeymoon. The family which took care of everything did not plan or book tickets for the honeymoon as Rudra had told them that he will take care of it himself. Dhruv and Koel was suddenly keen to know what honeymoon is all about. It was Poonam who explained it beautifully to him.

 

“When you get a new friend you will want to spend more time with him – right ? Sharing stories, watching TV, playing games etc ? For any new relation we form we need to spend quality time to get to know each other. Same goes for the husband and wife too. So they take some time off and go to a vacation spot and stay there for a few days. Understand about what each of them like. How they would like to plan their life together and so on. Usi Ko Honeymoon Bolte Hain....”

 

“But Mumma and Papa know each other well already ” Children and their innocent questions.

 

“Haan but that is not enough. Here there is always the house work and Papa’s office work. Now your Momma’s work for NGO also which she will continue from here. They need to be away from all this busy work to talk to each other.” Maithili pitched in.

 

“Then I also want to go. I also want to get to know Momma more. Here I have school and then home work after that. I am also taking leave then” Dhruv was adamant. And everybody burst out laughing.

 

“Tumhen Koi Leke Nahin Jaanewaala. “ Kakisa’s habit of making others sad with her words was not so easily forgotten.

 

Dhruv’s face fell. He was almost ready to cry.

 

“Haan Dhruv. Sure. We will not go anywhere without you. But if you think you can skip school now, think again. We will go only when you have your holidays. And yes I also want to know you better.  Okay ?“ Paro put Dhruv at ease winking at Rudra.

 

And he thought this is pure bliss.

And she thought this is unbridled happiness.

 

Some say happiness is fleeting. Some others say that we inadvertently cast evil eye on our own happiness. Must be true for Parud for sure.

 

Shatabdi was the one who came to Rudra to give him another serving of kheer. He was again on a call with his office. Standing near the main door. He had just finished his call and extended the katori towards her. She poured the kheer. Smiled at him and walked away a step. Stopped, turned and asked him, “ So did you have the alcohol vs milk drinking competition with Myrah too ? The way you had with Paro. Did Myrah drink milk and win? “

Some innocent people do more damage than evil ones. And quite a few people do not know what to say and what to keep within themselves. They have no idea what havoc a carelessly thrown word can cause in other’s lives.  At this instant Shatabdi is one such person whose  brain did not allow her to think beyond petty Achar wars.

 

And Paro – if she had known what transpired now – would have cursed the moment when she shared this info with Shatabdi. It was the day after Sumer’s wedding. Shatabdi was a bundle of sorrow the day after morning. The saying that those who act tough are actually covering up all the fear and worries was perfect for Shatabdi.  Paro was not one to share personal info freely with others. But she always falls for other’s tears. Especially the innocent ones’. To put Shatabdi at ease and to make her mood better Paro shared her own milk drinking story. Little would she have imagined that it will come back to haunt her.

 

There is also an old Native American saying -

When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;

So long as mists envelop you, be still;

Be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists

As it surely will.

Then act with courage.

 

But Rudra was not one to wait or sit still. On the contrary he just wanted to find out immediately a place to sit peacefully and think. He wanted to get out of this haveli before he blurted out something to Paro. Or is it Myrah ? He wanted to clear this thoughts.  He murmured in the hall about an emergency in the kidnapping case and how his going out is very important. How he will be late coming back. He went to his room to pick up his wallet and keys to the Jeep.  While searching for the keys he heard Paro behind.

 

“The videographer is coming to show us the albums and the recording. Can’t you go a little later ?”

 

“No it is urgent. Where are my keys ?”

 

“What is so urgent ? Just two minutes back you said one of the girls returned. And still in the hospital and that you can talk to her only in the evening. “

 

“Yeah something else came up.”

 

“What came up Rudra ? I can understand if you tell me. I am not an uneducated person. “

 

“Yeah but I cannot tell you anything now. I have to myself analyse it. Where did I keep the keys ? “ He was no more sure whether he was talking about the case or about his thoughts.

 

“Keys are with me. You are hiding something again. Unless you tell me the truth I am not going to give it to you. “ she dangled the keys in front of his face.

 

 

“Bhavali Ho Gayi Hai Paro ? Bachon Jaise Harkatein Mat Karo. Chaabi De Do.” His displeasure was audible in the tone and the words.

 

 

But she did not hear anything beyond the name Paro. Her fingers on their own slackened and the key slid the length of her index finger and landed on the floor with a tinkling sound. Which made Rudra even angrier. He picked it up and looked at her with anger oozing out of his every pore.

 

 

Anger at her for letting the key fall

Anger at her for hiding his key

Anger at her for questioning him

Anger at her for trying to stop him from going away

Anger at her for making him so confused

Anger at her for making him believe she is Paro

Anger at her for not telling him about knowing Phulwari

Anger at her for going around and telling everybody about their first night. Their first first night. About the milk vs alcohol drinking.

 

Is he angry at Myrah or Paro ?

His eyes became clouded – with anger with wetness, with sadness, with helplessness. He blinked them and looked at her again. To see all these emotions reflected in hers. Why is she sad and angry and shocked and helpless ? Then it dawned on him what he said to her. He addressed her as Paro. And she heard it.

 

 

 

Before today he was afraid to tell his family the truth about Paro.

Lest they break them apart

 

Before today he was afraid to tell the Mehras the truth.

Lest they take their daughter away from him

 

Before today he was afraid to tell her the truth.

Lest her health condition takes her away from him

 

Before today he was afraid to let her go out on her own.

Lest Tejawat or his men see her and harm her

 

But now today- at this moment - he knew the only person he should have been afraid of was himself.

 

For doubting destiny

For doubting love

For doubting her

and

For doubting himself

For creating this divide. This barrier in their minds.

 

Rudra realised what he said and cleared his throat to say something. But Paro was in no mood to listen.

 

“Just go Rudra”

 

“Woh Main. That was a........” he tried to start again with no idea of what to say. What can possibly be an explanation for calling her Paro ?

 

“Just leave.....Rudra. Or do you want me to leave ? “ her voice came out broken.  And the threat sounded weak to her own ears.

 

He saw her breaking down. He knew why. He was the cause.

Before he broke her heart with just one word she had seen him starting to lose control. And she thought she knew why. She was the cause.

 

They stood their facing each other.  Not able to move or say anything. They wanted to move away but thir hearts wanted to stay close.

 

They both were hoping that the last few minutes could be turned back. And they could be back to their loving life.

 

But it was not to be.

His brain is trying to control his mind. Making him doubt his Paro.

 And her brain is not able to bring back her memories. Making her doubt his love for her present form.

 

No riches or brains can turn the clock back.

OR bring back the past.

OR take back the words spoken.

One has to live with the consequences.

 

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