Chapter 10

RR through my eyes (Chapter 10)
 
From Rudra's POV -
My heart had already broken into pieces seven years back Paro. Then you came back. When you declared your love for me (you were always the first to take the initiative) I did not know you were my Paro. And I turned you down. History is repeating itself. First time around when you proposed to me in front of everybody and told me you are the sweet caring girl of my childhood - I did not take it seriously. As Myrah when you confessed your love - again I let it go. Shouted at you and turned you down. Preached about my unwavering love for Paro without realizing you were standing there in front of me. Thank GOD for directing me towards you handycam and thus towards the truth. And then I debated in my mind a lot about waiting for you to remember your past. But time is running out. And you have now put pressure on me by announcing your wedding. Come what may, I cannot let you go Paro. As Paro you would have understood my mind  by just looking at me. You have changed now. You want everything put across in words. Not just actions. Fine whatever it takes. I cannot just live without you.


How can I make you understand the dejavu feeling I had when you got hurt in your forehead and I rubbed the blood into your Maang ? How can I explain to you that at that moment when I told ," Maine Kaha Tha Na Sambhal Kar " I was referring to the many times I told you in the past to be careful. I cannot see you in getting hurt. Paro. And I have to confess my love to you.


And in the night when I came out and saw the decorated corridors I was immediately taken back to the day I put the mangal sutra around your neck. Do you know I had created snow also for you. I was so lost in the thoughts that I almost missed Rohit coming out. My heart which was just getting healed was completely shattered when I saw him propose to you and when you accepted it. It hurts more when the body part which is already injured gets hurt again. I was miserable to the core. I just cannot wait anymore. I have to tell you that I love you.


What better way than to show as if I am drunk and then to use the opportunity to steal a dance and confess. Did you really think I was drunk ? This was last opportunity to tell you. How can I take any risk and get drunk ? What if I blurt out something about our past or call you Paro. Won't that be enough for you to be hating me ? I am in love with my life. Yess. What I forgot to add is that Paro , you are my life. And I confessed to you my dear. Put it in words. Words which you were waiting to hear. To address you as just Myrah. You know how many times I called out your present name ? It is as if I am learning it , by hearting it like a school kid. So that I never forget it. Ever. Even if you wake me up from my sleep. Shakespeare easily asked "What is in a name ? " Little does he know my plight. Name is everything Myrah. Myrah. Oh my Myrah...And I took great care to only talk about the present.  To call "Kuch Na Kaho" as our song. Whereas I know very well our song is Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Let me tell you - it was not easy. To not remember the past. When you were so close. When I can only think of your Habbad Dabbad. But it can wait. We will have time for that. And in spite of my passionate declaration ( we never had any problem with the passion part - right ? We two had to just be close) you pushed me away ? Maybe you thought I will forget everything in the morning. So I reiterated the feelings again. In broad daylight. Did I not ? At least this time you believed me.  But you told me your heart does not beat for me. Do you know what it did to me ? I know you lied. But still it hurt.


"Chodke Chali Jaogi Mujhe ? Jee Paogi Tum ? " when I asked you that I was taken back to our conversation in the railway station. Remember I asked you the same that day. When I held out my hand to you now and asked you to say just yes once - I was standing in the haveli physically. But mentally I was in the railway track stretching my hand out asking you to promise that you will never leave me on your own ever. I am sure you would never have left me if you had not lost all your memory. Just say yes Myrah. I will make everything okay for you. I will teach you all about love the way you taught me earlier. Come what may I will never let you down. Our roles will be reversed going forward but we will be together. Just say yes dammit.


But you walked away citing friendship and promise as reason. Are you reminding me that you were taken away from me because of the promise you made ?


God also has strange ways of teaching us lessons. But he also shows us the way out. And I am hoping that he shows me a way out of this mess which I created - a mess I created then by convincing you to break your promise and the one I created now by not able to convince you to break your promise.
 
 (to be continued ...)